Old Favorite: the Call is Coming from Within the House!

Last year, at a convention of recovering addicts, I heard a speaker expound upon that “voice” of our disease that chatters in our heads. Here’s my paraphrase of what he said:

It’s common for us to speak of our addiction/disease as a living entity outside and separate from us. “My disease is doing pushups outside in the parking lot, while I’m praying inside at the meeting.” Or, my personal favorite: “My disease is telling me, ‘Hey, you’ve been sober for six months now and, obviously, have this meth stuff under control, so why not celebrate for a weekend. Let’s get the party on.’” You know what I mean. We often talk of our disease as being alive and cunning, just waiting for us let our guards down, so it can pounce.

It is good, I believe, to think of the disease of addiction as a separate entity that’s very much against our recovery and personal well being. For me, it’s so important to remember my disease wants to kill me, period. But here’s the tricky thing about that disease that lives “separate” from us: it not only speaks to me through my mind…

It speaks to me in my own voice.

This is crucial to recognize. My disease doesn’t have some evil, Darth Vader accent so I can clearly and immediately identify it. When it whispers or yells it’s commands, it sounds just like me! It’s my own voice. That’s why I can so often be mislead by it.

As the speaker last weekend said, “The call is coming from within the house.” Funny—and very important to remember.

  • Glad you’re finding the website helpful!

  • Jon Evans

    This has happened to me literally. Cops at the door, saying, “We just got a call from this address…” Marcus is tweakin again.

  • Justme

    My first attempt to quit 🙁

  • Tuco

    Just turned 40 this week. I started smoking weed on a regular basis 20 yrs ago. Did my first line of cocaine at 19 . It was 8balls every Friday night for the next 6-7 yrs. At 25 my first son was born. 6yrs ago ,now a father of 3 and still only partying Friday nights purchasing 8balls @$80 a ball the price of good coke went up. Meet crystalmeth. My meth use consist of a 20.00 a week habit. $20 would keep me up most of week. My longest binge has been about a month straight @$20 week. The first time I quit it lasted for a good 2.5 yrs . Meeting a dealer who had good coke at good price helped. As of today I again relapsed about a month and half ago. Luckily I’ve been able to maintain it to a20 a week habit. Gonna give it another go at it and try to stay clean. I’m scared to death that one of these days I won’t be able to just stop. i wake every morning and thank god for another day

  • Alberto

    My first attempt to really quit . I went the lowest of the low on relapsing lost self respect and dignity and now j just said enough is enough after I had a talk with my moms it open my eyes then as there so am ready to face my reality I got myself into and push forward with the hep of my family and I hope day to see how it is to be free from addiction been like this 5years on and off I don’t last with jobs responsibilities .. But I do see the light … Thanks guys