That Last Run

Since this will be the last post of the year, I thought it fitting to talk about that “last run.” It’s when we say, “This is it. My last run. I’m quitting right after this eight ball is gone.” Been there before?

(More than once, right?)

Though this post is primarily directed to the person who has just quit or is trying to quit, I think those of you well into your journey of quitting might find this interesting, if not applicable to today. And, of course, many of us had no idea that our last run would be the last. We overdosed, got incarcerated, or some other life altering event changed us so that we wanted to try to get clean. But for others like myself…

Back in 2011, I decided that I had to quit and chose the date that I’d go into rehab. Two weeks before rehab I would begin my last run, which for me, usually lasted five days, followed by two days of sleeping. That would leave me a full week to detox myself, so I could be a star patient and show everyone how much self-control I had by entering rehab already clean. That was the plan.

(Feel free to laugh.)

So I did my run of five-plus-two days, then awoke to find, behold, I had another whole week before rehab. Of course, I didn’t use those seven days to detox. What did I do? I partied right up until time for rehab (which I didn’t end up going to, but that’s another story). Still, this was my real last run, though not the one I’d originally planned. During that last run, I knew in my gut and heart, this was going to be it—I’d have to quit or die a hopeless drug addict.

Why not start telling yourself that this run is indeed your “last,” or, at least, near your last? You’ll probably find it’s not that easy to pull off. We are addicted, after all.

One strategy: if you are planning to go to rehab, set an “intake” date at the rehab clinic and plan your last run right up until you check yourself in. If you are quitting without rehab, you can still follow the same plan. On the last day of your run, when you’re exhausted, out of life and out of drugs, throw all your paraphernalia away (so it’s really gone when you wake up), toss any crumbs in bags or bottoms of drawers, then crash and sleep. When you wake up, you’ll be ready to do your own at-home detox/recovery.

Of course your best “last run” is the one that’s already over. But we addicts don’t tend to operate that rationally. The concept of a “last run” can get your mind prepared for the journey of recovery and help you prepare to quit.

You CAN quit crystal meth.

Today if you decide to start the journey. Learning strategies to better maximize the possibility of truly quitting is what this blog is about. I hope it’s helped. Peace.

  • Nivi

    That ‘last’ run mentality is something I can definitely relate to!!! Usually when I already relapsed and I start chasing the dragon. Higher in the sky I wanted to be. Like that fixed anything. I did what you suggested in throwing away my crumbs ect. and again, like you said, I had this gut feeling that I would have to quit or die a hopeless drug addict. My last run made me truly realize that I could not be clean on will alone, and that I could not do recovery alone. Even while I was higher then ever, I didn’t enjoy it. I thought I would never think that. Your Blog helps me so much!!!

    • Hi Nivi, so glad the blog helps… and very glad to hear that you’re getting to that place where the high not only isn’t what it used to be, but kind of enjoyable. Your subconscious mind is telling you it’s ready to let go of meth, too. All very very good signs. Keep on the direction you are going. Everything I’m reading in your comment gives me hope… you see it that way too. Our addiction will try to take everything and turn it into a negative so that you’ll go, screw it, I’m sick of this feeling so I might as well use. When the truth is (for example) if you look at how much you used last month while struggling to quit (say, you were high 15 days out of 30) and compare that to 6 months ago (high 30 days out of 30). In traditional programs your most recent month would be labeled “Failure” because you used period. In reality (and I use that word on purpose) in reality you are showing great progress, as you’ve cut using down by half, or more, and when you use now it’s not the same as then. Now, you don’t enjoy it as much. Now, you want something more and that’s not more meth or g or whatever. More life. That is a great place to change, Nivi. “I want more life.” And as for being a hopeless drug addict, I can’t tell you how many (hundreds? probably) ex meth users who felt that way, myself included, who today live vibrant and fulfilled lives. (Realizing you’re a hopeless drug addict is a rite of passage in our recovery for many of us… that means it is a good sign of progress.) Keep on doing what you’re doing. But, it takes a village — wether cyber or literal — to stop for most of us. Keep in touch. Let me know how things go. Peace, Joseph.